i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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