yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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