Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
