Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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