I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
