just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
