I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
