Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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