what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
