We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Even my vagina gasped.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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