I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
