Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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