i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
