Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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