i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
