I wish my penis had an off switch
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
