you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
