I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
