My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
