I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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