I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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