hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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