1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
