Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
