Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
