Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
