1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
