she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
