is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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