We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
