who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
