Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
