I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
