literally had 100 drinks last night.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
