But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
