no you cant smoke seaweed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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