Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
