My friends, they love my intelligence
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
