I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
