We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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