Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
