last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
