She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
