Where is the hickey?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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