I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
