I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
