if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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