omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
