I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
