I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
