It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
