the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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